The Grocery Shopping Blues

Dear Walmart,

I love your prices on paper towels and cleaning products, but I can’t find things like Brita filters or matches in your store, and neither can your employees. I know they are there- we just… can’t… find… them. To be fair, if I worked in a store that size I probably couldn’t find things either. I do have one question, though: Why is it that no matter how empty the store is, it always takes me at least 20 minutes to check out? Anyway, I guess I’ll keep coming back for the Great Value sandwich bags.

Sincerely,

Bargain Hunter

Dear Kroger,

Nice low price on the organic chicken; I hope to God it really is free range, and not “free range”. I’ve had many moments of despair walking up to that refrigerated case and seeing only empty space where the Ezekiel 4:9 sprouted grain bread should be; however, I can perk myself up by visiting your Natural Market and walking that big, beautiful aisle of reasonably priced natural cereals. Oh, the cereal! 

All the best,

The cereal lover

Dear Trader Joe’s,

There’s only one of you in the city, so there is never any parking and the store is always packed. I gladly suffer through it all just to buy your frozen, wild fish. Thanks for introducing me to Mahi Mahi; I’m forever grateful. As for the selection of raw nuts- I have no words. I also must have your organic popcorn kernels, almond butter and coconut oil- when they are in stock, which, unfortunately, is only about every 4th time I come. I’ll never give up on you, though. We’re gonna ride out this whole “almond butter recalled for salmonella contamination” thing.

Smooches,

The Health Nut

Dear Whole Foods,

There’s a reason why people call you Whole Paycheck. On the other hand, thank you for providing me with local, grass fed, free range meats and eggs. You’re the go-to for protein in my house. Can’t live without the reverse osmosis water dispenser either. The deli pizza and juice bar smoothies are sinfully delicious. Now I’ve discovered the bakery, so It’s getting hard for me to leave the store without one of your donuts…. but I digress… Love the local body products as well!

Thanks,

The Lady who loves Local

Dear Costco,

I hear you are amazing! I hear you have tons of organic offerings and great prices. But the thought of you, and your size, and your bulk items, and your membership fee overwhelms me. I promise, I AM going to come visit you sometime soon. Really. I promise. I’m gonna get around to that. It’s just that, well, I need to know- are you gonna let me down, or will you come through for me? Can you replace Walmart, Kroger, Trader Joe’s, and/or Whole Foods in my life? 

Eagerly awaiting your response,

Hopeful Shopper

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Leelee
    Oct 22, 2014 @ 03:33:28

    Reek, You promised to go on my Vitacost site and now that I’ve read this blog, I promise never to be this insistent again, (at least not until the next time I’m positive you need my help) but please, for your grocery sanity, savings, and precious free time, I REALLY need you to check out this site. You’ll recognize all the brand names when you look at the all natural, vegan, free range, GMO free, plant based products you can buy and have delivered right to your front door. I don’t know how, but their stuff is also fresher. Not only will the prices of their almond butter, coconut oil, bread, vitamins, herbs, and all things healthy just knock your socks off, but you won’t face the disappointment of empty shelves, lack of parking, and the over priced stuff at Trader Joe’s and Wholefoods. Did you know Trader Joe’s has more food recalls per year than any other national chain. Just saying. And because of our similarities, I just don’t see you at Costco??? No NO NO. Those huge quantities of items all bundled together from floor to ceiling, it’s just unnatural. A 60 oz bag of cheese popcorn. Yuck! As a gift to you and hubby, surf the www,vitacost.com for 10 minutes. I promise, it will save your life, or sanity and $$$. XO
    PS. At Walmart the matches are on those shelves with the gum and stuff where you check out and the filters are next to the Brita water pitchers.

    Reply

  2. Leelee
    Oct 22, 2014 @ 04:20:09

    PSPS: I had to google the Reverse Osmosis Water Filter thingamagig. Really girl? You need to come home, drink some good Portland Bull Run water right out the tap. Best free tap spring water ever.

    Reply

  3. Auntie D
    Oct 22, 2014 @ 19:45:45

    If you come to my house I fear you may not survive. I don’t shop with nearly the amount of clean consciousness that you do. Living on grace and mercy I guess. You may have to bring your own food. sigh.

    Reply

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