I’m not the Star… and it’s Okay!

So I’ve finally missed a week on this blog… It was bound to happen, but I feel bad. You probably didn’t even notice, right?

I’ve been super busy rehearsing for a production of Singin’ in the Rain that opens on September 12. I’ve been doing musical theatre since I was 11 or 12, when I was cast in Once Upon a Mattress in the 6th grade. I’ve been hooked ever since. Over the years I’ve had lead roles, supporting roles, and featured roles, and I’ve been in many ensembles.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love being a star, but depending on the role I may not get that sense of community that can make a show so much fun. Many times with larger roles you work only with a few cast members, or you come on for one or two scenes only. That’s why I was kind of lonely when when I played the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella last summer (although I did have a wand that lit up- so that was awesome). I’m not complaining, I’m just saying there were times when I looked longingly at the ensemble doing their stuff and wished I could be a part. In this production I’m back in the ensemble- and having a great time. There’s a great feeling of accomplishment and camaradie when, after hours of learning music and running dances over, and over, and over again, the harmonies are finally perfect and the steps are finally in sync. I just need to relax, quit worrying so much about everyone else doing everything right, and embrace the process- and my part in it.

When I don’t, that’s when the group thing gets a little rough. I’m a perfectionist, and I think I’m always right. I’m in a constant battle to make sure I don’t annoyingly butt in to correct people. It’s a battle I lose about half the time, unfortunately. For example, in the finale song there’s a moment when only the leads sing a line. Some of the ensemble are still accidentally singing it, so when it happens I’ve been going “Shhhhhh!!!!!” as loud as I can. Terrible, I know- I can’t believe I’m admitting this. I do want to be helpful, but I tend to get uptight and go too far with it. And it’s no fun being the Song Police.

The good thing is that the last two times we have run the number I have contained myself. It’s good for me to subvert that craving to assert my position, try being humble, and find the joy in supporting the whole by simply doing my own part well, no matter how small.

I Corinthians 12:12-27